Blood Pressure Pills and All That
by Mark Kohan
“It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change,” is a popular paraphrase summarizing Charles Darwin’s theory of evolution, though Darwin never actually said or wrote it verbatim.
For my quodophile friends, the rewording belongs to Leon C. Megginson, Professor of Management and Marketing at Louisiana State University at Baton Rouge, who nonetheless accurately abridged Darwin’s On the Origin of Species for the common man. In short, adaptability — not brute strength or intellect — is key to survival, accurately reflecting Darwin’s concept of “survival of the fittest.”
“Fittest,” according to Darwin meant the best-suited or adapted to their environment, not necessarily the biggest or smartest.
“So why is he talking about Darwin?” you may be asking yourself. “Isn’t he the guy who said we evolved from monkeys?”
As editor of the PAJ for forty-plus years, I have seen the paper adapt to every change technology and demographics has thrown at it. As a Pole, my DNA is wired to survive, continue, and thrive. This means my DNA is intertwined with the newspaper. I know it’s not a healthy way to run a business, but that’s what blood pressure pills are for.
THE POINT. It is hard to not look at the writing on the wall. Given its environment, the only way this paper will survive will be by adapting. We have taken a few steps and will be taking a few more.
As you may remember from last month’s paper, we are closing the PAJ Bookstore. In its heyday, the store generated plentiful sales. Over the past few years, it became a white elephant, so it was best to let it go.
If you’d dabbled in accounting, you know that unearned income is fun until you have to “de-unearn” it, as one of my professors used to say. Years ago, this was never a problem, as funds for two- and three-year subscriptions generated enough income to keep the lights, heat, and water one. Since COVID, the cost of mailing the newspaper has more than doubled, and more price hikes are on the horizon. For that reason, we stopped offering three-year subscriptions. Starting this month, we will only offer one-year subscriptions. This is the simplest way to stay ahead of rising postage costs.
One other option, which has been tabled until the end of this year, is changing the PAJ to a quarterly. Again, this is just an idea being passed around the office.
WHILE I REFUSE to become an old dog who won’t learn new tricks, keeping up with technology has become a Sisyphean task, further adding to blood pressure woes. Most recently, to meet new internet requirements and fiscal integration, the PAJ’s website was retooled. It was something that had to be done to make the paper more mobile-phone friendly. With this came new security measures.
If you have used a computer or mobile device in the last few years, you have no doubt been hounded to set up two-step authentication. For those not familiar with this, a password is not enough these days to get you to your email or favorite website. The second step requires sending a code to an email, cell-phone text, or security application on your phone or computer.
Begrudgingly, I began the process of setting up two-factor authentication.
The next week, I was flooded with telephone calls and emails asking if and/or telling me that both the PAJ and my personal email accounts had been hacked. I alerted everyone I could (our banks, USPS, vendors, ad infinitum) only to find out I was too late. A considerable amount of money (considerable, as in grand theft) was illegally transferred from our bank to an unknown entity in Denmark. Our computer guys said it could be from anywhere, and if we were playing Jeopardy, “What is Russia?” would be the correct answer. They also hacked into our payroll account and planned on having our next paychecks electronically transferred to their account. Fortunately, payroll was dispersed the day earlier, and there was a two-week wait for the next one. (The real joke on him would have been when he saw how little we make, but that’s for another column). By the time the bank’s fraud department traced the attack, the fake accounts were closed. Further fiscal forensics proved the theft was real, and we were covered for the loss.
Now the fun began. The banks, USPS, the payroll company — you name it – all required closing the compromised accounts and setting up new ones. If you think the pedant at the USPS counter is a rule-follower, you simply must try USPS’s on-line accounting system. Granted, I understand their issues with me not knowing the maiden name of the person who 35 years ago set up the accounts for the newspaper, or the password to a website dashboard that would make a NASA designer jealous, but a little help, please? I don’t speak USPS.
There’s more, but I will spare you the details. I will tell you, however, that prayers for patience and guidance are working as the accountant and I work through the mechanics of the hacking episode. I did not initially plan to share this with our readers, but it has become a big part of what has been happening at the PAJ for the past month or so.
AND JUST WHEN I calmed down and decide to reopen this very file and wrap it up seven paragraphs ago, I opened an email from our printer, who informed us of another price hike on the cost of paper.
Anyone have any extra doses of Lisinopril they can spare?
